Time and time again, I would seek to understand what the meaning of life was. Searching the recesses of my mind asking myself “Who am I? Why do I operate the way that I do? What is my purpose?”. The questions may not always look so deep and meaningful they may have been quite negative, more like “why am I such an idiot?” Or “why me?”. I spend a good portion of my life feeling sorry for myself, blaming my outer circumstances…
I was fourteen or fifteen years old when a doctor recommended that I go to rehab. Back then I had only ever really heard of that for junkies or for old people who lived in parks. I thought that you got locked in a room until you ‘dried out’. I was in my mid teens and that to me was ridiculous. Yes, I had a drinking problem but I didn’t drink every day (even if I did think about it). I was seventeen when I realised that I was an alcoholic but in my mind my drinking was still normal and my life was manageable (no it wasn’t).
I think about openness as almost like a prerequisite of a transformation. Like when you study, some courses just aren't available to you unless you've done a course that's a prerequisite, or you're at a certain level. Openness is kind of like that, in that in order to cultivate transformational personal growth, you really need to be open. If you have a closed mind you might overlook something that is entirely necessary for your next step in transforming your life.
I think from memory it started with me getting tired. Tired isn’t as easy to remember as the pain and once the pain started pain and tired went hand in hand. I can push past tired. I can push past some levels of pain and I certainly did that. However eventually, working together persistently and over time, the pain and tiredness rendered me useless…
The fact is, that even as a child, I was obsessed with boys. I wanted so desperately to be liked that I would do almost anything to get attention and it certainly didn't get better with hormones. Good God, add hormones to a lack of self esteem and a desperate need for attention and love and it’s like the emotional version of an apocalypse.
Do you find yourself constantly talking about the things that outrage you? Repeating the same story five times to different people, rehashing the drama that’s gotten under your skin, feeding off the outrage that you have inspired in your friends and family? You may just be feeding the beast - an anger addiction.
Do you feel empowered? Like you’re making choices that are taking you down a road you really want to be on? If not then maybe you aren’t owning your life. The reason this is so important is because if you don’t own it - you can’t change it. So now that’s out of the way let’s talk about a few ways that will help you to own your life.
When I say ‘holistic’ I mean taking into account your whole person. Your whole body. All the systems that are interconnected and affected by each other. It’s important to be able to identify all the ways that you can support your health and healing and some of them come from places that you might not have previously considered…
One of the most frustrating and debilitating aspects of having fibromyalgia (at least for me) was brain fog. Imaging trying to read a book, getting half way through a paragraph (if you’re lucky) and then realising you can’t remember anything you’ve just read. Even worse, imagine talking to someone and half way through the conversation realising that the whole time you had been talking you thought you were talking to someone else. Yes, that happened to me.
Pain is one of the most debilitating symptoms of fibromyalgia and often is a major contributor to the fatigue and sleeplessness that become part of a vicious cycle. More pain, less sleep, less sleep, more pain. The more tired you are the less able to you are mentally tolerate the pain, thus the more focus it gets and the worse you feel. The less you sleep the more tired you are and the more pain you feel and you get where I’m going yeah? It sucks.