Returning to my roots (going back to music)
The last five or so years (God, it could be more now), I have neglected my music. I’ve done little tiny bits here and there. Largely because of getting sick and having to completely change the way I live, and then being so frugal with my energy (because I had so little of it), and only having enough to really survive, and to get qualifications to do work that didn’t require as much energy as being a working musician does. As my health has increased, so has my desire to get back into the field that brings me the most joy, however, this is not without its challenges.
The learning curve is going to be huge. When I was a working musician I did things a certain way and I made my income in certain ways as well - namely live performances and physical CD sales. The challenge I have with that now is I still don’t have enough energy to both plan and organise a tour as well as physically get out there and tour. Yet. That said, with the rise of the internet there are a number of different paths I can take. I’m rusty. I can still perform but I’m not as ‘gig fit’ as I was and if the truth is told my confidence has taken a beating. My anxiety rears its ugly head the moment that I put my foot on a stage and the voice inside my head tells me that everyone in the room is thinking that I am terrible and are wishing I would just stop. Even the logical, rational part of me that knows that I have at least some talent and I am actually good at what I do has to then fight with that other voice and then I’m standing there trying to perform and remember lyrics and feel the song and do a good job while two voices inside my head battle it out. A third voice enters and says “Can you two please just shut UP?!” Holy hell that’s excruciating (and exhausting). That said, it’s a fight I’m willing to engage in and I know from experience that with time and repetition and consistency it will subside and I will find my groove again.
I have to find creative ways to earn money out of music or it’s simply not sustainable. I am an independent artist (which means that I alone am responsible to pay for recordings, production, art work, photo shoots, mastering, publicity, marketing and all of the other associated costs of putting music out into the world). I don’t mind that too much - I have the last say on everything and I tend to like that, but hell it’s expensive and people frankly don’t buy music - they stream it so getting the costs back is going to be interesting. I have to put that aside for the time being and just begin because momentum is a really important thing. I have learnt that often once things start, then the way forward presents itself. So you have to just trust that things will work out and just start.
I have spoken so much about following your passion and doing what lights you up. I know how important it is to living a life that’s worth getting out of bed for. For me this ‘returning to my roots’ is more about following my joy than making money anyways. I need to do this for my soul. I need to do this because for some unknown reason I was given this gift and with it the feeling of responsibility to actually use it.
So what’s next? Well first up comes the practice. Every day I’m committing to spending at least one hour with my guitar or piano. Then weekly songwriting sessions. Then recording all the demos. Then I have an official release of my single that I’ve just started recording and will be releasing February 2020. That will come with my first ever film clip as well. Eeek. I have also taken a huge step by committing to a songwriting retreat with Carter & Carter in Melbourne in early November. This will help me to kickstart my songwriting and get those creative juices flowing again.
I’m looking forward to what’s coming. I’m looking forward to playing music and recording music and getting back in the groove. I’m prepared to learn and excited by the prospect of re-launching my music career after so long not being able to. It’s going to take commitment and consistency and effort but I know in my bones it will be worth it. I can already feel that sense of electricity - you know that sense of being exactly where you’re meant to be. I’m ready and I can’t wait.