How to stop hating your life (and move into one that is empowered and inspired)
I know sometimes it’s hard. Sh*t happens. When it rains it pours, when one thing goes wrong it can very easily snowball into everything turning to crap. You can lose your mojo. You can feel stuck, powerless and miserable. You can literally hate your life. I’m not here to judge you for that. I know what it’s like. I’m here to tell you how you can turn it around, and how by doing so you can actually begin to create one that makes you feel inspired, empowered and that not only lights you up, but lights up those around you.
Before I get onto changing things around I want to explain something about what your life is. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that your life is the other people around you, that your life is what you do for a living, that your live is all the drama going on around you - but that’s not your life. These are things that might be impacting your life, but they are not your life. Your life is your spirit. Your inner world. Your spark. Your mojo. Your consciousness. Unlike the things around you that can fade, and pass and go away, your life is with you wherever you go and whatever you do.
When you point the finger and blame things around you for your quality of life what happens is you begin to starve your inner world. When you blame your kids, your spouse, your job, your boss, or your circumstance for why you are miserable, not only are you starving your mojo of what it needs you are disempowering it and disabling it from being the driver of your world. When you feed your life; your spark, that inner ‘self’ which is the actual core of your life, when you nurture it, protect it, spend time listening to it and growing it, you put it back in the driver seat and it changes the world around you.
When you feed your life; your spark, that inner ‘self’ which is the actual core of your life, when you nurture it, protect it, spend time listening to it and growing it, you put it back in the driver seat and it changes the world around you.
If this is not making sense. Please bare with me.
I used to give my power away all the freaking time. In fact, I’m still guilty of this. Every time I blame circumstances or other people for my lack of happiness, what I am doing, effectively is saying to myself that ‘I have no power in my life. I can’t create the life that I want and there’s no use trying because xyz is stopping me’. My inner self hears this, believes this, and stops acting to change anything thereby creating the proof that this is true and then further creating that sense of powerlessness and to be quite frank; it’s bullshit.
I look at Nick Vujicic - this is a man who literally has no arms and legs. He has one foot that he refers to as his ‘chicken drumstick’. Now, if anyone had an excuse to feel powerless over their life, perhaps this man could be forgiven for feeling a little sorry for himself. But rather than looking at all the things that he can’t do and all the ‘reasons’ he could be miserable - he looks at what he does have and what he can do. He is the author of over seven books. He doesn’t even have hands to type. He speaks to thousands of people and has founded two organisations to help people, to motivate people and to increase the quality of life of those around him.
If that man, can get out of bed, and find a way to make life better… if that man, with no arms and legs can find purpose and meaning and make a difference to the world we live in, then so can you.
If you’re sitting at home and you’re physically functional and you’re still hating your life, maybe it’s not your life with the problem - it’s what you are focusing on. If you’re wondering if you can do anything extraordinary just look at the paralympians who are about to do extraordinary things against extraordinary odds. There is no power in blaming your life circumstances for why you are miserable. Because there are people out there who have very similar life circumstances to you or even worse than you who have actually gone “You know what? I want better than this. I want to create change. I have the power to do that”. And they do. They do the research. They reach out. They connect with people who have been there and they learn from them. They get help. They find answers. They put their efforts and energy towards what they DO want. Which is the biggest key.
Once you go ‘Ok, this is my life, I’m going to live it like I really want to’, you actually have to figure out what that looks like. Half the time, people walk around in this daze pointing out all the things that they hate about their life. All the things that they don’t like about their circumstances and the people around them. They don’t know what they want. They don’t know what is going to make them happy. They don’t know where to start.
I believe there’s a big link between happiness (long term happiness not just fleeting happiness), a link between that, and feeling like your life has purpose, and service.
So if you are being of service to noone, if you do nothing for anyone but yourself there’s a big chance you’ll be floundering, searching for meaning or not believing there is any, and requiring super human strength to get out of bed in the morning. But the moment that you find a way to serve others, to build others up, to contribute to the world around you, to your community, to your family to your friends in a way that is meaningful - the moment that you can find a way to bring value to the lives of those around you; is the moment that you will have a shift in your consciousness. And the more that you can connect that sense of service with your own unique gifts, abilities and personal history AND what brings you pleasure - the more that you can do that, the more fulfilled and happy you will be. But you won’t find that - you won’t be in the space to find that if you’re hating on your life.
So how do we use this?
What I want you to visualise is this. Imagine your life as a seedling. This little, fragile seedling that has just begun to emerge from the dirt. Rather than thinking of your life as ‘this happened, this happened, all this shit happened and I hate my life’ all of these external happenings, and circumstances and people and drama they are not your life. Think of those things as things around your garden, but they are not the seedling. This seedling is your life.
So imagine your life as this seedling, with the power to grow and become strong and powerful and valueble and worthwhile… and if you can do that, then you can nurture that seedling. So you then take the time, to go ‘you know what, this is my little life, it’s precious, it’s worth looking after, and I know, that if I look after it now while it’s small and fragile, it will grow to be powerful and have roots that are so deep that other people can lean on it’.
So when you’re thinking about your life as this seedling, I want you to stop trampling on it. Because a lot of the time we look at our life in the seedling form and go ‘oh, that’s not a big tree, that’s not as good as my neighbours tree, this is isn’t enough’, remember it’s a seedling. There is value in that. So stop putting it down. Because every time you put your life down, and you throw negativity at it, you are disempowering your life. You are disabling your life. What you really want, especially at this stage - at this fragile, beginning stage, you want to nurture, empower and grow your life and growing your spirit. Because it’s not what is outside of you, it’s what is inside of you.
I look at people like Viktor Frankl who spent more than three years in concentration camps during WWII. I can’t even fathom what this man went through and instead of coming out as this shattered mess, or even giving up and dying, and in reality that could have been the case as many prisoners died not just from the conditions but because they lacked the will to survive. His theory on that was that they had no hope. They saw no point to it, and had no meaning. So while he was in there he focused on getting out of the concentration camp, and using his experience in the concentration camp to be able to educate and empower other people. So he was basically enduring the most horrific happenings all the while holding on to hope that he would come out the other end and this would have meaning and he would be able to use this to serve.
So if you are going through something right now that is horrific - think about this. Think; I might be able to use this later. And don’t give up hope. Hold onto that hope that this will work out in the end and as long as you hold onto hope and you hold onto meaning and you can become fueled to be able to use your experience and you strength and what has gone in your past to be able to serve other people, it will help you a great deal.
All I really want you to understand, is this is your life. If you’re not feeling empowered or inspired, then remember that your life is just a seedling and this is just the beginning. And just as a seedling, like if you ever have a look just underneath the soil when you plant a seed, in order for that seedling to grow, it looks like total destruction. Because the seed, the casing of the seed, actually needs to completely break apart in order for that initial growth to start happening and that might just be where you are at.
I hope that you just choose to nurture that. Nurture your life where it is at, in it’s infancy. In it’s vulnerability. Nurture it. Because it’s the only way that you will be able to move into a life that is empowered and inspired.
For more info on how to nurture your life check out 'What holds you together'...