Michelle Cashman Blog

Hating myself and learning how to change.

Hating myself and learning how to change.

Time and time again, I would seek to understand what the meaning of life was. Searching the recesses of my mind asking myself “Who am I? Why do I operate the way that I do? What is my purpose?”.  The questions may not always look so deep and meaningful they may have been quite negative, more like “why am I such an idiot?” Or “why me?”.   I spend a good portion of my life feeling sorry for myself, blaming my outer circumstances…

Getting help for my drinking (the story I don't like telling)

Getting help for my drinking (the story I don't like telling)

I was fourteen or fifteen years old when a doctor recommended that I go to rehab. Back then I had only ever really heard of that for junkies or for old people who lived in parks. I thought that you got locked in a room until you ‘dried out’.  I was in my mid teens and that to me was ridiculous. Yes, I had a drinking problem but I didn’t drink every day (even if I did think about it). I was seventeen when I realised that I was an alcoholic but in my mind my drinking was still normal and my life was manageable (no it wasn’t).  

How being open was key to my transformation.

How being open was key to my transformation.

I think about openness as almost like a prerequisite of a transformation.  Like when you study, some courses just aren't available to you unless you've done a course that's a prerequisite, or you're at a certain level. Openness is kind of like that, in that in order to cultivate transformational personal growth, you really need to be open. If you have a closed mind you might overlook something that is entirely necessary for your next step in transforming your life.

My Story with Fibromyalgia

My Story with Fibromyalgia

I think from memory it started with me getting tired.  Tired isn’t as easy to remember as the pain and once the pain started pain and tired went hand in hand.  I can push past tired. I can push past some levels of pain and I certainly did that. However eventually, working together persistently and over time, the pain and tiredness rendered me useless…

Addicted to love? I was.

Addicted to love? I was.

The fact is, that even as a child, I was obsessed with boys. I wanted so desperately to be liked that I would do almost anything to get attention and it certainly didn't get better with hormones. Good God, add hormones to a lack of self esteem and a desperate need for attention and love and it’s like the emotional version of an apocalypse.

What to do when shit makes you angry all the time.

What to do when shit makes you angry all the time.

Do you find yourself constantly talking about the things that outrage you? Repeating the same story five times to different people, rehashing the drama that’s gotten under your skin, feeding off the outrage that you have inspired in your friends and family? You may just be feeding the beast - an anger addiction.